Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal Recap NFL Week 1
In their popular podcast, Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal gave their takes on week 1 NFL games. They praised the San Francisco 49ers defense as one of the best units after dominating the Pittsburgh Steelers.
The Dallas Cowboys also impressed by blowing out the New York Giants 40-0. Simmons called Tyreek Hill the best player of the week after his dominant performance for the Miami Dolphins. However, the Los Angeles Chargers disappointed by losing a close game to Miami.
Simmons felt the NFC was the stronger conference, saying the top teams like San Francisco, Dallas and Philadelphia “would all be the best AFC team. It wouldn’t even be a question.” He criticized quarterbacks who didn’t play in the preseason, saying it turns week 1 into “a preseason game.”
Cousin Sal called the Tampa Bay Buccaneers defense “pretty good” and said Tennessee’s Ryan Tannehill “cost them the game” against the Saints with three interceptions.
Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal Guess NFL Week 2 Lines
Eagles vs Vikings
Simmons had Eagles -7, Sal had Eagles +5.5, actual line is Eagles -7.5. Sal admitted he needs to let go of thinking the Vikings are good. He said the Vikings will be a good live betting opportunity when they play teams with bad secondaries.
Chiefs vs Jaguars
Simmons shockingly had this as a pick ’em while Sal had Chiefs -3, the actual line. Sal didn’t think the Jags convincingly beat the Colts in Week 1.
Packers vs Falcons
Simmons had Falcons -1.5 while Sal had Falcons -2. The actual line is Packers -1.5. Sal called this an overreaction to the Bears win and underreaction to the Falcons-Panthers game.
Bengals vs Ravens
Both Simmons and Sal predicted Bengals -3, the actual line. They talked about how the Bengals are unpredictable early in seasons.
Cowboys vs Jets
Simmons predicted Cowboys -6 while Sal had -4.5. The line is -3, which they both thought was too low given the Cowboys blowout of the Giants.
Bills vs Raiders
Simmons had Bills -7 but Sal said -8.5 was too high. The line is -9.5. Sal doesn’t believe in Jimmy G and the Raiders but thinks it’s too many points.
Lions vs Seahawks
Both had this game in the “Vegas zone” between -4.5 and -5.5 since Vegas is unsure. The actual line is Lions -5.5.
Titans vs Chargers
Simmons and Sal predicted Chargers around -1, but the line is -3. Sal warns not to bet on this stupid game with a likely stupid ending.
49ers vs Rams
Simmons predicted 49ers -8 but Sal said -5.5. The line is 49ers -7. They discussed the 49ers dominating the Rams lately.
Buccaneers vs Bears
Both predicted low lines, around Bucs -2. Actual is -2.5. They don’t trust either quarterback.
Colts vs Texans
Simmons had Colts -1.5 but line is Texans -1.5. Sal admitted he was wrong in predicting Texans -2.5.
Giants vs Cardinals
Both had Giants around -3 but actual is Cardinals -4.5. They don’t expect many lines under -3.5 for Arizona.
Broncos vs Commanders
Both predicted Broncos -2.5 but line is higher at Broncos -3.5. Tough to bet on Denver giving over 3 points.
Dolphins vs Patriots
Both predicted Dolphins -1.5, actual is Dolphins -2. Game expected to be close.
Saints vs Panthers
Both said Saints -2.5, the actual line. Don’t see Panthers scoring much.
Steelers vs Browns
Big disagreement. Simmons had Steelers -2.5 but Sal said -2. Actual is Browns -1.5. Huge overreaction after Week 1.
Jimmy Kimmel Parent Corner Quotes:
Jimmy told funny stories about his young son Billy’s obsession with his penis. He frequently pulls it out and makes jokes about it, even telling his mom “don’t eat this one” in reference to hot dogs. Jimmy finds it hilarious while his wife gets upset that he encourages the behavior.
- “He’s more like Dennis Rodman. I’d say he’s, um, he has a complete lunatic and as, and obsessed with his penis, in fact, I heard Molly say today, I was in the kitchen, washing the dishes and I overhear her go, Billy, your penis is not for entertainment.”
- “And I look over at him and he’s got his dick out and he goes, don’t eat this one. How great is that? That he let him into it. Yeah. He totally let me into it. It was great.”
- “He asked, mom, put your finger in my butthole. That was not most more of a statement than a question.”
Cousin Sal Parent Corner Quotes:
Sal told a story about his 9 year old son Harrison’s first fantasy football draft without him there. He gave him bad advice leading to a bad team, then later yelled at him to root for the Chiefs over his own fantasy team. He also mentioned his wife was stressed helping their daughter with her own fantasy draft.
- “So I’ll just, so we’re going. So he has, he has a draft that I can’t attend, but I write him out this great cheat sheet. I think it’s great for a snake draft. Like don’t take a quarterback until the sixth or seventh round before that zigzag running backs and wide receivers all the way up to the, you know, you take a quarterback and they make sure you get back up the rest of the way.”
- “He’s like, no, no, no, my fantasy team is my team. And I’m like, you have to root for the now I’m yelling at him to root for the Chiefs. I’m like, why do I care if he roots to the Chiefs or not? But I’m not even sure if I handled that correctly or not.”
- “Did you share the reason the other draft her on that night with Bill? Did you talk about my wife also had a draft with her? Her friends. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So she had that happen and she had to handle that. And she had to handle that. Quarterback tonight and she was freaking out.”
Bill Simmons Parent Corner Quotes:
Bill told the story of his elaborate plan to make someone jump in the pool fully clothed at their fantasy football draft to decide who gets kicked out. But his friend Brad refused to jump in the pool at all, ruining Bill’s plan.
- “So I get to kick somebody out and I don’t do it until the day of the draft and everybody’s got their research done and everything. They have their laptops and it’s all I could think of. I know, Simmons, I have these three shows on Fandall TV and The Ringer and all I could think of honestly, I had to prepare for those, but I had to figure out a cool way to kick whoever I’m kicking out out.”
- “And Brad immediately is like, Oh, I’m not. I’m done. I was like, what? This is crazy. I thought he would have spun into the pool by accident, right? Let alone jump in with all his clothes, you know, he just said they walked over to a chair and sat down.”
- “And really like it like, bummed me out that my, my whole plan didn’t pay dividends. And then like, I think a minute later, he realized he had screwed up because as he’s waiting for a Zubre, you hear, Fooooooood. He was nuts. Like in the front yard.”